At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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