I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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