saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
