it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
