I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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