he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
