I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
