I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
