He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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