He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
