No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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