is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
