dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
