I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
