it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
