No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
