I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
