My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
