I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
