So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
