He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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