you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
