All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
