I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
