and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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