She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We need a shit load of segways right now
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
