I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
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