I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
