I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
