Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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