So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
