She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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