What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
