dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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