I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
