She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
