she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
