The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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