I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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