I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
