I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
