I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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