This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
