hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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