I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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