Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
