Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Bring me that man meat
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
