R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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