Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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