he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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