bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
